I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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