He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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