final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
