im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
