whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
