Sry I called you an 8
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My penis needs a shock collar
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
