I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
