I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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