So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
