she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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