if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
