while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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