Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I want a musical about memes.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
