can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
