You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I love you. Go after that dick
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
