I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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