playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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