I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
