all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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