Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
