we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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