i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
