I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
