I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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