that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
