Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
