I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize