when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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