I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
