Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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