so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
