ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
