I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
