Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
