I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
