Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
