Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
