Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
That's how pantless uber rides happen
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
