Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
