I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
