So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
