wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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