from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
