remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
