Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
