You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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