ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
