Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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