Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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