Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I need a beard to bite.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
